Snoova's Top 10 - LEAST FAVORITE G.I. JOE VEHICLES

Snoova's Top 10

LEAST FAVORITE G.I. JOE VEHICLES

    When I originally started this list, it was both Joe and Cobra vehicles together.  When I stepped back and looked at it though - the majority of the list was comprised with Cobra vehicles.  So I decided to split the list and do one for each team.  I knew the Joe list might be a little more complicated seeing how so few of them made my original list.  So, which Joe vehicles are at the bottom of the barrel when it comes down to it?  Which ones are lacking among so many great Hasbro offerings?

    Before delving into the list I must reiterate that I am NOT saying these vehicles are necessarily BAD.  Maybe they are silly, or confusing, but I do not think any of them are truly terrible.  It's just a list of those vehicles that can't catch a lot of "cool" points for some reason.  Let's see what we got......

#10 - SHARC, FLYING SUBMARINE  (1984)

    Yeah, yeah, I get it.  Though the Joes typically have the more realistic vehicles than Cobra, they still have some high-tech, sci-fi equipment like the JUMP Jet Pack or the Heavy Artillery Laser - but a flying submarine???  It was just strange to me.  Add in that the figure, Deep Six, was so bulky that he had to lay face-down to pilot it.  Plus, you couldn't fit a normal-sized figure in there either... without it rattling all around.  Also, the torpedoes don't attach very well and fall off a lot.

    Visually, I think it is a cool-looking vehicle.  The concept of a flying submarine was a bit of a stretch though.  I never got on-board with the idea and the SHARC is one of the few items from 1984 I actually passed on.

#9 - SGT SLAUGHTER'S TRIPLE T  (1986)

    I have never owned this vehicle.  I have just never been a fan of it.  The Sarge is cool, but it's so weird that this tank has no cover.  Instead,  the driver is front and center.  Even worse, for armament it only has 2 small guns and 2 small missiles.  It just doesn't strike me as a vehicle that brings a lot to the battle.

    Realistically, the vehicle was just a bonus - the main attraction was the Sarge figure!  Still, doesn't the guy deserve something a little better?

#8 - BATTLEFIELD ROBOTS - RADAR RAT & TRI-BLASTER  (1989)

    Hey it's a 2-for-1 deal here!  I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now...  How are these "robots"??   Why is that in their title?  They are operated by people, there are seats on these things... What about these 2 vehicles earns them "robot" in their name?  It really bothers me!

    Next, they are silver, as if they are some kind of prototypes or something.  Maybe that should have been the angle Hasbro took because they are clearly not robotic.  Oddly enough, Cobra also has 2 of their own silver battlefield robots.  Why?  Why didn't they either A) make up a backstory that Cobra stole 2 of the 4 prototype vehicles or B) paint them with some great Joe or Cobra colors and call it a day.  So confusing...

#7 - SKY SHARC  (SKY PATROL/1991) & NIGHT SHADE  (NIGHT FORCE/1988)

    Wow!!!  It's another 2-for-1 deal!  How lucky!  So basically what we have here is the SHARC repainted twice for 2 different sub-groups.  Okay, I know Night Force is a coveted sub-group and Sky Patrol is pretty special with it's vac-metalized chrome, but why on Earth did they repaint the SHARC?  I wasn't 100% onboard with the flying submarine bit in the first place, but now we have this vehicle 2 more times???  So am I to understand that "Sky" Patrol also operates underwater when they need to?  Or is it just an air vehicle now?  With Night Force... who on that team is taking this thing underwater - at night???

    Another big problem still exists with these 2.  The figures are too small and there is no seat - so the figure just flops around in the cockpit.  

#6 - HAVOC  (1986)

    Okay, I like the HAVOC, I do, It is a nice solid, tracked vehicle with a lot of play features and can carry a lot of figures...  But it IS a weird vehicle that doesn't make a lot of sense!  

    First of all you have the giant window canopy.  Even if this thing is bulletproof, it provides little protection for the drivers.  Of course, the drivers aren't even sitting up.  No, they are laying face down looking through some kind of viewfinders or something.  That's just awkward.

    Next is the seat at the top that controls the main cannons.  This poor sap sits out in the hot sun, or the rain, and is totally vulnerable to enemy fire.  Even worse, the guns don't traverse!?!?!  Why???  The cannon guy has to hope and pray the driver knows which way to steer so he can get a good shot.

    "Cross Country, can you read me?  Yeah, keep driving straight towards those HISS Tanks and don't turn.  I'm going to try to get a shot at one of these guys!"

#5 - NINJA LIGHTNING  (Ninja Force / 1993)

    Sorry, but let's start with the obvious - it's ugly.  Next, the front wheel strut has a tendency to break easily.  Top it off with the fact that some Ninja Force figures (like Snake Eyes, who is pictured riding it on the box) do NOT fit on it because of their articulation (or lack there of...).  

    I have never bought this vehicle.  I have never owned this vehicle.  I have no plans to ever acquire this vehicle...

#4 - MANTA RAY  (Battle Corps / 1993)

    It's an attack boat with an "actual" inflatable raft part underneath.  To be fair... this is a cool idea.  HOWEVER, the idea is ruined because you can ONLY play with this toy in water.  The Wind-up motor (another interesting concept) at the rear of the boat, needs to go into the water to operate properly.   However, if you set it on your floor to play with or on a shelf for display, it sits up awkwardly from the hind-end.

    Someone didn't think the idea through...

#3 - FORTRESS AMERICA - 1992

    Of all the years I was "out" of G.I. Joe, I was farthest removed from it in 1992.  Playing in a rock band that year, I was pretty oblivious to all that was going on in the Joe Universe.  When I returned to that world in 1993 (I was in another rock band at this point, but one less time consuming) this thing had come and gone from the toy shelves.

    I just don't get it...  A base with brick walls that folds up and becomes a tank?  That's just weird.  To be fair, I have never seen this thing with my own eyes other than pictures.  Maybe it has some redeeming qualities.  It just seems odd to me.

    

#2 - PATRIOT  (1992)

    Another 1992 vehicle that I have never seen or owned.  From the pictures, I think this thing looks pretty cool.  It seems to have a lot of play features and the big firing cannon looks awesome!  Unfortunately, it has those 4 flat, piddly-looking tracks.  They don't look like they can handle their payload OR traverse over any kind of terrain.  Strange...

#1 - SONIC APACHE HELICOPTER  (Sonic Fighters / 1991)

    At first, I didn't understand why a sub-group with giant backpacks would want a vehicle.  You can't store the backpacks and they can't take them onboard.  So why do these 2 go together?  Okay, so the helicopter makes sounds... big deal!  I still don't think that is enough reason.  Just make it a regular Joe helicopter and be done with it.

    But wait... there's more...  

    The figures don't fit anyway, even without the giant backpacks.  What really drags this vehicle down is the fact that apparently this helicopter comes from another toyline.  It got wedged into G.I. Joe somehow, even though the scale was off.  What was Hasbro thinking?  Apparently, they were embarrassed with the vehicle too... they didn't even put a picture of it in the 1991 Joe catalog.  Bizarre...

    So there's my list of Least Favorite Joe Vehicles!  But what vehicles are YOUR least favorites?  Where did Hasbro take a decent idea and fumble the ball a bit?  What did you like and not like?  Was there a particular era that you were unhappy with?  Let me know your thoughts.

    The pictures of the vehicles come from the G.I. Joe catalogs in my collection...